Keno Rules
Never played Keno before? No problem, you are just about to find out how easy it is to learn the rules. They are pretty much the same wherever you play it the only difference is in the payout rates the different casinos offer.
Before starting to play though it is recommended you pick up a booklet of the exact house rules and payouts at the Keno counter.
To play it you have to pick up a Keno Sheet, if you are in a physical casino you will find those sheets everywhere even in the casinos restaurants, or you just pick them up at the Keno counter. Some casinos even have Keno runners. These are people walking around in the casino giving away Keno sheets.
All you have to do now is mark one to fifteen numbers, out of eighty available, on the ticket and give it back to the counter or the runner. The bets generally start at one dollar. After you make your bet, by giving the ticket back to the runner or the counterperson, he or she will enter your numbers into a computer and give you a printed ticket. Make sure to double-check the numbers you filled out on the sheet with the one on the printed ticket because once the game started no more changes can be made.
At the beginning of the game eighty numbered balls are mixed in the Keno bowl and twenty of the balls are ejected at random from the bowl. Those numbers then appear on the Keno boards which are mostly located all over the casino and the restaurants. If enough of your selected numbers are drawn of the bowl you are a winner. To find out how many numbers you need to win and how much the payout is you should pick up a Keno Booklet as mentioned above. The more numbers you selected, the more numbers you will need to be a winner.
Also a very important part of the game is that if you are a winner you have to cash in your ticket before the next game starts. It is usually 10 to 15 minutes before the next game begins. You can also play more than one game on one ticket, if you do that, you don't have to cash your ticket right away. Wait until the last game your ticket is entered into ends and then collect the money. If you are playing one ticket for let's say ten games it would be foolish to cash your ticket right away because you would lose any chance of winning again in the ten rounds you paid for. Still, you have to collect after the last game you are entered ended and before the next game starts or you won't get a dime.
The only exception casinos make is if you are playing one ticket for 30 games or more. You can collect your money up to a year later, in most casinos, if you play this many games on one ticket. But before you take this information for granted browse through the Keno Booklet you picked up and make sure how the casino handles these kind of bets.
Some casinos also offer "Special Tickets" to add variety to the game. One version is called "Top and Bottom Keno". In this version you don't pick any numbers, instead you write a "T" on the top portion, and a "B" on the bottom of the ticket. In each portion there are twenty numbers. If thirteen or more numbers in either portion are drawn out of the bowl you win. This Keno variant may not be available in every casino so check your Keno booklet for more info.
The Rules for Keno in an online casino are exactly the same! You will find the booklet on the website you are playing on.
Casino Jokes
A man was quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he says. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it", she replies.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on", he explains. She looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house.
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes to, he says, "What the hell was that for?" "Your horse phoned."
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The guy, drunk as a skunk, said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you $500 that I can stand on this bar here on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop".
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "OK, you're on". The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me $500!" The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's OK. I just bet each of the guys in the card room $1000 each that I could piss all over you AND the bar and still make you laugh!"
Dear John,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool - nobody can take your place. I love you.
All my love,
Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.
Bill Gates arrives at the port to heaven and hell. Petrus says : You see Bill, we don't know what to do with you. You may choose "heaven" or "hell".
Bill peeks in heaven and sees a couple of old boring men sitting around at a table. Bill takes a look in hell and sees really beautiful women, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling.
So Bill says : I am a gambling man, I want to go to hell! Once in hell, Bill is immediately thrown into the fire. So Bill says : hey, what the hell is this, I saw all the gambling, the women, and sex?
The devil says: 'That was just a demo version."
"What'll you have, Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."
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